it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
