whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My penis needs a shock collar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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