he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
