You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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