Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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