Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
