So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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