I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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