it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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