I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
