DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
