whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
