Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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