areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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