I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
