I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
50% drunk capacity currently
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
