i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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