Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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