I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
