Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
