can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize