she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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