I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
