dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
