Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
