Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
