Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
