You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
