new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
