My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
