I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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