Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
