So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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