The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
