Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
