I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had sex on a roof
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
