he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
