I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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