I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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