Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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