Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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