There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
