there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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