just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i believe in u and ur pee
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
