The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
