He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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