She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
