We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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