thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
