We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
