I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
