I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize