he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
