dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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