he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
