what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
