I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
