Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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