I met the friendliest cop last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alive.
So much puke
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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