What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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