I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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