you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
