3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to sanitize my soul.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
