I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
