I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just threw up on my dentist
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
