My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
