I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
