It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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