I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
