24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize