Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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